Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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