I am puke
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
