I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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