Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
