Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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