this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
