I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
