i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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