At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
