Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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