Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
