I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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