If i come over, it means nothing
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
