Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
false alarm, still single
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
