DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
