Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
