I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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