I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
