if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
