Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
