don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
