You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
