Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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