Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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