Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
