So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
