i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
