my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
