he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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