and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
