It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
