so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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