I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
