trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
