he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
