New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
