just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How external is "for external use only"?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
