I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
