I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
