I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
