FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
