my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
