i think i have two assholes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
