For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
