Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
