Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
