i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
