I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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