he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
