i just google imaged poop.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
