I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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