I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
